Every nation has its traditions and customs; some of which should be utilized as mechanisms for positive social change and advancement. Regretfully, some of these same traditions and customs have the opposite result when enforced by certain type of old women.

With due respect, some old ladies can be very dangerous. But respect is one thing, and having to ‘obey’ their every word, is another.

I faced this harsh reality the day I was born. Really, I’m serious. Obviously I didn’t know it at the time, but it was an incident that would affect me for the rest of my life.

My father wanted to name me ‘Zenobia’, after the historic queen who reigned over a great empire in ancient Palmyra (now Tadmur, a part of modern Syria), and fought the Romans. A great historical female figure, with a strong character and a grand name.

He had hopes that perhaps with the name would come the strength of character of Zenobia. Except that on that day my grandmother -his mother- happened to be
there, and she was horrified at the strange and un-Libyan name.

All my Father’s explanations failed to convince her that it was a worthy name for
his daughter; she was adamant that her grand-daughter would have a ‘traditional’ name that nobody would laugh at. Both my parents bowed to her wishes. Hence, Zainab.


When I was old enough to ask what my name meant, I was told the story of
how I was almost named after a queen, but because of my grandmother, got
the name of a desert shrub instead. Admittedly, it is a fragrant plant, is
very strong –having to survive desert conditions, and is the name of many a
noble Arabian lady, but it was not the name of a queen! Having gone
through this experience, I was determined that no old lady was going to
choose my children’s names for me in the future.

I’ve met many young mothers who have the same problem nowadays. The most
common complaint I’ve heard is that just as the mother-to-be has finally
decided on what she wants to name her coming child, in comes the mother
–in-law announcing that she’d had a dream in which she saw her coming
grandchild with the name so-and-so.

However, names are a small and perhaps harmless part of the issue. Life becomes complicated and old ladies become harmful creatures when the superstitions they hold dear, as traditions, are passed from one generation to the next and young mothers are brainwashed or terrified into following ‘orders’. These orders concern their children’s
safety and upbringing; they’re told that grandmothers know best and ignoring
their advice has terrible consequences.

If you would think that all old ladies are soft and gentle, then you are
wrong. I’m sorry to tell you that they can be deceivingly strong, and
verbally abusive; especially towards daughters-in–law. And when a certain
tradition or custom is turned into an iron-clad rule, it turns into tyranny.

We should have an association that specializes in educating women on how to
stand up to their female ‘elders’. Superstitions, ignorance, and harmful
habits are passed on from generation to generation in some areas of our
country specifically by these elders. Not everyone is susceptible of
course, but from what I’ve seen, enough damage is done. At a time when
knowledge is widespread and available to every individual, it is absurd that
women are still bullied into silently complying with the status quo they
live in.

Respecting elder female relatives should not include blind obedience to
their every word. I sometimes find myself –at family gatherings- becoming
enraged at some of their actions and words, while other women are quietly
acquiescent. When I’m asked to stay calm and just ignore whatever -or
whoever- it is that’s bothering me, I reply that I can’t because this is the
reason I’m not called Zenobia.